Cut It Out! ✂️ 145+ Scissors Puns & Jokes

Hey there, pun-lovers! ✂️ Get ready to laugh your blades off because we’ve got a list of the best scissor puns and jokes that are sharp enough to cut through any dull moment! 😂 This collection of clever and positive humor is perfect for kids and adults alike. From puns that are sure to make you chuckle to jokes that’ll have you in stitches, we’ve got all the scissor-themed humor you could ever want. So grab your best pair of shears (or just your funny bone) and get ready for some seriously funny stuff! 😄

Top Scissors Puns & Jokes: Snip-tastically Funny Wordplay

1. Why did the scissors break up with the glue? Because they couldn’t see eye to eye!
2. I told a joke about scissors the other day. It cut like a knife!
3. My friend tried to tell me scissors are blunt objects. I had to cut him off right there.
4. What’s a hairdresser’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat and shears!
5. I saw a sign that said “Left-handed Scissors Only.” I thought to myself, “that’s pointy!”
6. Did you hear about the barber who opened a shop on the moon? He’s cutting edge!
7. What do you call it when paper beats scissors every time? A rigged game!
8. Why did the scissors go to jail? They got caught cutting class!
9. My kid asked me what the opposite of “scissors” is. I said, “See-saws!”
10. I’m writing a historical fiction novel about the invention of scissors. It’s going to be a real page-turner!
11. I tried to make a pair of scissors out of spaghetti… but all I had were noodlenecks!
12. My friend said he can cut paper just by looking at it. I told him, “Show me, and I’ll be cut in half!”
13. What did the left-handed scissors say to the right-handed scissors? “Looking sharp!”
14. Why are scissors always so cheerful? They just love to cut up!
15. I met a talking pair of scissors the other day. They said, “We’ve got you surrounded. Now, let’s cut to the chase!”

Sharply Snippy Scissors One-Liner Jokes

1. My friend tried to sell me self-sharpening scissors. Total rip-off!
2. What’s the most dangerous game you can play with a pair of scissors? Operation.
3. Never argue with paper. It’s bound to lose.
4. Did you hear about the barber who won an award? He was outstanding in his field.
5. Rock, paper, scissors? How about we just skip to the part where I win?
6. I saw a sign that said “Left-Handed Scissors: On Sale!” I thought, that’s a switch for the better.
7. My friend tried to tell me bowling is harder than cutting hair. I told him to spare me.
8. I just bought a pair of running scissors. They’re always on the go!
9. I used to be addicted to rock, paper, scissors. But then I turned myself around.
10. Why did the scissors go to jail? They got caught cutting class.
11. Always be kind to your scissors. They can be very snippy.
12. My kid got in trouble at school for bringing in scissors. Seems they’re considered “weaponized stationery.”
13. I’m opening a hair salon for indecisive customers. It’s called “Cut and Run.”
14. My love life is like a pair of safety scissors. Dull and pointless.

Quotes About ‘Scissors’: Snip-tastic Words of Wisdom

1. “Scissors: Like a therapist for paper. They help it open up and let go of its problems… by chopping them into tiny pieces.”
2. “You know you’re an adult when you get excited about buying new scissors. And then spend the next hour testing them on every material you can find.”
3. “I tried to tell a joke about scissors… but it got cut short.”
4. “My love life is like a pair of scissors – I can’t seem to find my other half, and everything ends up getting cut off prematurely.”
5. “Scissors: The only thing that can be separated and still work together perfectly. Take that, every couple on a break ever!”
6. “My biggest fear? Finding out the paperclip is actually the mastermind and the scissors were framed.”
7. “Life is like a pair of scissors – you’re either sharp and cutting through challenges, or you’re blunt and getting nowhere.” (But let’s be honest, most of us are just a little rusty and need some WD-40.)
8. “Scissors proof paper: The ultimate paradox. Kind of like a vegan butcher or a lactose-intolerant cheesemaker.”
9. “Never underestimate a person who can cut a straight line with scissors. They possess a rare and powerful magic.”
10. “Rock, paper, scissors? More like rock, paper, instant anxiety attack. It’s a game of pure chance and childhood trauma.”
11. “My bank account after a shopping spree is like trying to cut paper with safety scissors – just painful and ineffective.”
12. “I bet left-handed scissors feel incredibly underappreciated. Like, “Hey, we cut things too! We’re not just the weird ones!””
13. “Sleeping with scissors under your pillow keeps the monsters away. Or at least gives them a stylish new haircut.”
14. “Dating a pair of scissors would be tough. They’re always cutting you off, and they’re extremely high maintenance. But hey, at least they’re sharp.”
15. “Scissors: They’re not just for paper anymore. They’re also for nose hairs, stray threads, and that annoying tag on your shirt that’s been tickling your neck all day.”

Dad Jokes about ‘Scissors’: Prepare to be Snip-credibly Embarrassed

1. What did the paper say to the scissors? “Cut it out!”
2. You know, I used to be a professional scissor sharpener. Business was dull at first, but it really picked up.
3. Why are scissors always so up-to-date on the news? They get a daily cut.
4. My kid asked me what the opposite of a scissor is. I said, “That’s a tough one. I guess we’ll just have to figure it out… piece by piece.”
5. I saw a pair of scissors in the street the other day. I thought, “That’s pointless.”
6. Did you hear about the angry scissors fight? It was a very snippy argument.
7. My friend tried to make a pair of scissors out of rubber bands. He really stretched the idea.
8. What’s a hairstylist’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat and shears.
9. I went to a rock-paper-scissors tournament. I thought I did well, but I ended up tied.
10. You can cut almost anything with scissors, except for water. It’s too fluid.
11. I tried to walk through a revolving door with a pair of scissors. It was a bad idea. I got stuck in a vicious cycle.
12. I bought a pair of running shoes from a talking pair of scissors. I know, I know – they told me it was a great deal!
13. Never argue with a pair of left-handed scissors. They’ve always got a point.
14. My wife found me laughing at a pair of scissors today. She asked what was so funny, and I said, “I thought I saw a point, but I was wrong.”

Scissors Puns & Jokes for Kids That Will Leave You Snipping with Laughter

1. Why did the paper lose the fight with the scissors? Because it was cut out to lose!
2. What did the scissors say when it saw the messy art project? “I’ll cut to the chase, this needs work!”
3. Why are scissors always so upbeat? They love to cut loose!
4. What music do scissors listen to at a party? Anything with a good beat to snip their blades to!
5. What’s a hairdresser’s favorite school subject? Geometry, they love learning about all the different angles!
6. How do scissors say goodbye? They wave “See you soon!” with their blades.
7. Why do scissors make such bad liars? They always get caught red-handed!
8. What do you get when you combine a sheep and a pair of scissors? A baaaaa-d haircut!
9. Why are scissors so creative? They always think outside the box!
10. What did the paper say to the scissors on Valentine’s Day? “I’m smitten with you!”
11. My art teacher told me to cut a circle out of paper. I told her I’d give it my best snip!
12. What do you call a pair of scissors that gives great advice? Wise shears!
13. Why did the scissors go to jail? They got caught cutting class!
14. My friend tried to tell me paper beats scissors, but I knew he was just cutting corners!
15. Why are scissors always in trouble? They can’t stop cutting up!

Scissors’ Double Entendres Puns That Will Leave You In Stitches (And Also Snipping Mad I Didn’t Come Up With Them First)

1. I told the hairdresser I wanted my hair to look like a rock star’s. She said, “Say no more, I’ve got just the scissors for that – they really rock!”
2. My attempt at origami was going poorly, so I gave up. Guess you could say I admitted de-feet and put down the scissors.
3. My friend started a band called “Safety Scissors.” They’re not very popular, but they’re really easy to open up for.
4. I used to date a hairdresser, but we broke up. Turns out, our relationship was doomed to split ends.
5. I tried to tell a joke about scissors, but it got cut short.
6. My tailor is great at keeping secrets. He’s practically sworn to silencer, or should I say, scissor?
7. I walked into a barbershop yesterday and asked for a trim. The barber looked at me and said, “Sorry, we only take cash or shears.”
8. I was going to tell you a joke about cutting paper, but I decided to snip it in the bud.
9. You know you’re a craft addict when you can distinguish between 10 different types of scissors, but can’t remember where you put your car keys.
10. Be careful when lending out your scissors; it might end in shear chaos!
11. My new scissors are so sharp they can cut through tension – perfect for awkward family gatherings.
12. Writing a pun about scissors is like trying to cut water – it’s pointless.
13. My kid got in trouble for bringing scissors to school. I told him, “That’s a cutting-edge approach to education, but not recommended!”
14. My friend tried to start a hair salon business, but it failed. He just couldn’t cut it in the competitive market.
15. I told my barber, “Give me the Edward Scissorhands.” He just sighed and said, “Sir, this is a library.”

Scissors’ Recursive Puns: Can’t. Stop. Snipping. 🤣

1. Why did the scissors go to art school? To improve their cut-ting-edge technique!
2. I told a joke about scissors the other day, but it got cut from the show. Guess you could say it was… too sharp.
3. Scissors are always getting into fights. They just can’t seem to get a handle on their anger.
4. I tried to start a band called “The Scissors.” We were sharp, but we just couldn’t cut it.
5. What’s a scissor’s favorite movie? Pulp Fiction!
6. My friend made a throne out of scissors. Turns out it was a cut above the rest.
7. What do you call a pair of scissors that’s really good at their job? Shear talent!
8. I tried to tell a secret in a paper factory. Big mistake. It was all cut short.
9. Scissors are terrible liars. They can’t tell a story without giving themselves away.
10. I met a talking pair of scissors yesterday. They were full of cutting remarks!
11. Why don’t scissors trust staplers? They always think they’re above them.
12. What’s a scissor’s favorite game to play? Anything but tag. They always cut in line.
13. Did you hear about the scissor family reunion? It was a total cut-up!
14. I took my scissors to the comedy club open mic. They really sliced up the competition.
15. I once wrote a love letter with a pair of scissors. It was a cut-and-paste job, but it got the point across.

Scissors-ly the Funniest QnA Jokes & Puns

1. A: He wanted to see if it made the cut!
2. Q: What’s a hairstylist’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good beat… and shears!
3. Q: Why did the scissors get sent to their room? A: They kept cutting up!
4. Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a pair of scissors? A: A dog that trims its own fur-coat!
5. Q: What’s a hairdresser’s favorite board game? A: Anything with points for a sharp wit and a steady shear hand!
6. Q: Why are scissors always so broke? A: They always spend every penny they have!
7. Q: What did the left blade say to the right blade? A: Let’s cut to the chase!
8. Q: What’s it called when a pair of scissors can’t stop arguing? A: A cut-throat debate!
9. Q: Why did the paper lose the fight with the scissors? A: Because it was torn apart!
10. Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite type of scissors? A: Spook-tacular shears!
11. Q: Why did the scissors blush? A: Because they saw the paper getting ripped!
12. Q: What do you call a sheep that always wins staring contests? A: Shears your pants off intimidating!
13. Q: How are barbers like magicians? A: They both make things disappear with a flick of the wrist!
14. Q: What’s silver and always up for a challenge? A: A pair of scissors that thinks it can cut through anything!
15. Q: Why don’t scissors ever win in a fight? A: Because they’re always cutting their losses!

Scissors-ly the Funniest Knock-Knock Jokes You’ll Ever Hear

1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your way in, the door’s jammed!
2. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors the day, carpe diem!
3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your tongue! You’re talking nonsense!
4. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors a terrible joke, but I had to share it!
5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your chance to tell me a better joke!
6. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your excuse for not laughing, that was funny!
7. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors the time to be silly, let loose!
8. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your imagination run wild with laughter!
9. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your doubts, this is a joke-friendly zone!
10. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your worries and enjoy the pun!
11. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors a serious matter, knock-knock jokes are important!
12. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your bad mood with a hearty chuckle!
13. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors a real knee-slapper, or at least a slight smirk?
14. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors the point, let’s tell more jokes!
15. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors not the time to be quiet, let out your laughter!

Scissors Pun Names That Will Leave You Snipping Yourself

1. Scissorhands McSharp
2. Edward Clipfinger
3. Sergeant Snipsalot
4. The Blade Ranger
5. Cuttin’ Crew Chief
6. Captain Clippy
7. The Paper Assassin
8. Snip Dogg
9. The Crafty Cutter
10. Sir Snicks-a-Lot
11. General Shear-anator
12. The Great Divider
13. Baron Von Snippety
14. Slice Emperor
15. Sharper Image (The)

Cut It Out! These Puns Really Grew On You.

We hope these scissor jokes cut to the chase and left you in stitches! But don’t cut your laughing session short just yet! Snip, snip your way over to our website for more pun-derful jokes that are sure to leave you in shears delight. You’d be crafting a smile on your face! 😜

About the Author: Sarah Ejaz

I, Sarah Ejaz, am the creative force behind ThePunnyWorld.com, your premier destination for chuckles and chortles. With my expertise in English Literature and extensive experience as a freelance creative writer, I craft jokes and puns that light up your day. Explore our world for your daily dose of humor, and let the good times roll! Find and read here my Best Puns.

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