Yo Ho Ho! 125+ Rum Puns & Jokes to Make You Spit Out Your Grog!

Ahoy, mateys! 🍻 Ready to set sail on a sea of laughter? 🏴‍☠️ This be the treasure map ye seek, filled to the brim with the best rum puns and jokes about rum. 🗺️ From clever wordplay to jokes even landlubbers will love (including the kids! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦), this list is packed with enough humor to shiver yer timbers. So grab yer eyepatch and parrot, because this is gonna be a barrel of laughs! 🤣

Top Rum Puns & Jokes That’ll Really Shiver Your Timbers (and Not Just From the Alcohol)

1. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore later.
2. My doctor told me to stop drinking rum on an empty stomach. So now I drink it on a pirate ship.
3. I’m writing a song about rum…it’s proving difficult, it’s going down a bit rough.
4. Someone stole my bottle of rum! I’m absolutely Captain Morgan this ship!
5. Always remember: “Lime” rhymes with “time” for a reason! (To put more rum in your drink!)
6. What do you call it when a pirate compliments your shoes? Booty-ful.
7. How do you know Caribbean pirates have impeccable grammar? They always say, “Aye, Aye, Captain!”
8. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Something they can put on repeat… repeat… repeat…
9. What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? Dear Sir, it is with a heavy heart… (You didn’t think I’d say “R,” did you?)
10. My therapist told me to make sure I’m expressing my feelings out loud. Now every time I take a sip of rum I yell, “DELICIOUS!”
11. You can’t trust atoms…they make up everything! (They also go great in mojitos.)
12. I’d tell you a joke about rum, but it’s probably already gone over your head.
13. Why are pirates such bad singers? They always drop the anchor note.
14. I like my women like I like my rum: Smooth, aged 12 years, and hidden in the back of the cabinet. (Just kidding! Single and ready to mingle…unless you have rum?)
15. What’s a pirate’s favorite part about going to a Major League Baseball game? The seventh inning stretch…yo ho ho!

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Funny: Rum One-Liner Jokes

1. I’m not saying I drink a lot of rum, but my blood type is now O-positive and 70 proof.
2. I tried to tell a joke about rum, but it was distilled down to its purest form…gone.
3. My therapist told me to stop thinking about rum, so I switched therapists. Now I drink rum while thinking about rum.
4. I’m writing a book about rum…it’s killing me how long it’s taking to bottle.
5. Someone stole my bottle of rum and left a note saying “Gone to get milk”…I think they’re lactose-intolerant to the truth.
6. My doctor said I should drink less rum. I think he’s just trying to keep all the good stuff for himself.
7. You know you’re addicted to rum when you start singing “Yo Ho Ho” and a bottle of spiced appears.
8. Rum: Turns “I should have stayed home” into “Best. Night. Ever.”
9. Sleep, what’s sleep? I ask, already halfway through a bottle of rum.
10. I put a message in a bottle of rum…haven’t heard back yet, but I’m sure it was well received.
11. I used to be a rum enthusiast, but now I think I’ve graduated to “connoisseur.”
12. My love life is like a cheap bottle of rum: rough around the edges, best swallowed quickly, and guaranteed to give you a headache.
13. I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I did name my pet parrot “Captain Morgan.”
14. Rum: Not the answer, but it makes you forget the question.
15. Life is too short for boring drinks. Choose wisely. Choose rum.

Quotes about ‘Rum’ So Funny, You’ll Be Three Sheets to the Wind

1. “Rum: It’s not just a drink, it’s a pirate’s hug in a bottle.”
2. “Sure, water might be the elixir of life, but rum is the ‘let’s have fun’ elixir.”
3. “I put the ‘rum’ in ‘humdrum.'”
4. “Never ask a pirate their age or how much rum they drank. They’ll lie about both.”
5. “My therapist told me to replace my anxieties with positive thoughts. Now I think about rum. Lots of rum.”
6. “Relationship status: In love with rum. It never argues back.”
7. “I’m not saying rum makes me a better dancer, but I’ve never seen myself dance sober.”
8. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Preferably rum-stained ones.”
9. “Rum: Because adulting is hard and pirates didn’t have to pay taxes.”
10. I like my problems like I like my rum: aged, strong, and best served with a splash of denial.
11. “Exercise? I thought you said extra rum.”
12. “I’m not sure what’s more dangerous: a pirate with a bottle of rum or me without one.”
13. “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy rum, and that’s basically the same thing with extra steps.”
14. “Sure, talk to me about responsibilities tomorrow. Today, we’re on rum time.”
15. “Rum: Proof that pirates knew how to party.”

Dad Jokes about ‘Rum’ So Punny, They’ll Make You Walk the Plank

1. Why did the rum go to the bank? It wanted to get a loan, because it was feeling a little short!
2. What do you call a pirate who loves rum a little too much? Captain Morgan Freeman!
3. My doctor told me to give up rum for good. I’m not sure how good I’ll be at it, but I’m willing to try.
4. I tried to tell a joke about rum… but it fell flat.
5. I met a guy who collects vintage bottles of rum. He’s got quite the spirits cabinet!
6. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good sea shanty!
7. Why don’t they serve rum in prison? Because it leads to too much jailhouse rock!
8. What did the rum say to the ice? “It’s been a while, let’s get together and chill.”
9. I tried to explain to my son that rum is an acquired taste. He didn’t believe me, so I made him give it back.
10. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s R, but it’s the C!
11. Why did the bartender cut the pirate off? He was starting to get a little rum-bunctious!
12. I asked the bartender for a rum drink with no ice… He gave me a dirty look and said, “What are you, some kind of animal?”
13. Why did the rum blush? Because it saw the lime peel!
14. You know your old when you drink rum for your health… and your wealth!
15. I started a band called “100% Proof.” We’re all about that rum-and-roll lifestyle!

Rum-believable Puns & Jokes for Kids

1. Why did the pirate go to school? Because he wanted to improve his “rum”mar!
2. What do you call a sheep that drinks too much rum? A baaaaad influence!
3. Why don’t pirates ever pass their school exams? Because they spend all their time thinking about the “C” in “rum”!
4. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good “rum”ba beat!
5. What happens when a pirate tells a lie? He gets put in the “rum”or mill!
6. Where do pirates keep their gold? In their “rum”my treasure chests!
7. What’s a pirate’s favorite game to play at the party? Pin the patch on the “rum”bler!
8. Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the “rum”!
9. Why did the pirate get lost in the jungle? He took a “rum”bling wrong turn!
10. What did the ocean say to the pirate ship? Nothing, it just waved “rum”!
11. How do you make a pirate angry? Take away the “R” from his favorite drink!
12. What do you call a mischievous pirate’s story? A tall “rum” tale!
13. Why did the pirate get in trouble at school? For “rum”maging through other people’s desks!
14. Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the “rum” shop on the other side!
15. What’s a pirate’s favorite flavor of ice cream? “Rum” raisin!

Rum’believable Double Entendre Puns: You’ll Be Wasted With Laughter

1. Dating a pirate is rum business, but at least the booty is real.
2. My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Guess I’ll have another rum.
3. I went to a rum distillery and asked for a strong one. The bartender said, “Don’t worry, they all come out staggering.”
4. You can’t spell “rumbustious” without “rum” … coincidence? I think not.
5. I met a guy at a bar who claimed to be a rum connoisseur. Turns out, he just looked at the label a lot.
6. My friend said his New Year’s resolution was to drink less rum. I told him, “Don’t worry, it’s just a shot in the dark.”
7. This bottle of rum is like a bad relationship: full of empty promises and giving me a headache.
8. I’m writing a song about rum, but I can’t decide if it should be a ballad or a reggae-ton.
9. I love listening to vinyl while sipping rum. It’s my way of getting totally toasted.
10. My doctor said I needed to cut back on the rum. I told him, “But it’s the only medicine that truly understands me.”
11. That last shot of rum was a real eye-opener… mostly because I tripped and fell over the coffee table.
12. They say too much rum will make you lose your memory. I can’t remember if that’s true or not.
13. Life is like a bottle of rum: best enjoyed one sip at a time, unless it’s a pirate party.
14. I tried to explain to my dog that rum is bad for him. He just sat there, tail wagging, looking like he didn’t give a rum.

Rum Recursive Puns: Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Hilarity

1. This pirate’s attempt at making a rum cake was… rum. Even the rum was confused.
2. I tried to tell a joke about rum, but it fell flat. It must have been a rum punchline.
3. I’m writing a song about rum, but I’m having trouble with the chorus. It’s a very rum arrangement.
4. Why did the rum go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very… rum.
5. Someone stole my bottle of rum! I guess you could say it was a… rum away.
6. What do you call a pirate who can’t stop drinking rum? Hopelessly rum-inated!
7. I went to a rum tasting event, and it was… well, it was pretty rum. Even the snacks were rum-flavored!
8. This weather is so unpredictable, it’s enough to drive you to… rum.
9. I tried to explain to my friend why rum is the best liquor. It was a rum argument.
10. I’m starting to think this whole day is a bit… rum. And I might need more rum to cope.
11. Why don’t they serve rum in prison? Because it’s rum-ored to lead to a breakout!
12. This conversation about rum is getting a bit circular, isn’t it? Or should I say… rum-tangled?
13. I used to be addicted to rum, but thankfully, I’m rum-oved from that part of my life.
14. This whole situation is so ridiculous, it feels like something out of a… rum-com movie.
15. My tolerance for bad jokes is pretty high, but this one about rum is really pushing it. I’d say it’s pushing its rum-a-bility.

Rum-believable QnA Jokes & Puns: You’ll Be Grog-ing with Laughter

1. Q: Why did the rum go to the bank? A: To get some “interest” in its future.
2. Q: What do you call a pirate who can’t stop talking about rum? A: A rum-inator!
3. Q: Why don’t they serve rum in prison? A: Because it’s meant to be enjoyed, not cell-ebrated!
4. Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good “rum”-ba beat!
5. Q: Why did the bartender look surprised when the rum walked in? A: He thought it was already half-gone!
6. Q: What do you call a pirate who loves to gamble? A: A high-stakes rum runner.
7. Q: Why did the rum blush? A: Because it saw the lime peel!
8. Q: What happens when you mix rum with root beer? A: You get a “rootin’ tootin'” good time!
9. Q: Heard about the pirate who gave up rum for a year? A: They say it was the longest year of his life-ARRRR!
10. Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite yoga pose? A: Downward-facing rum!
11. Q: How do you know when you’ve had too much rum? A: When you start singing “Yo ho ho and a bottle of… wait, where am I?”
12. Q: Why did the rum bottle break up with the Coke bottle? A: They were just too different. He was always neat, she was always on the rocks.
13. Q: What do you call it when two rum bottles fall in love? A: Meant to be “distilled” together!
14. Q: Did you hear about the pirate who opened a rum distillery? A: He made a “killing” in the business!
15. Q: What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? A: “T,” because it’s always after “rum”!

Rum-believable Knock-Knock Jokes (That’ll Really Get Your Spirits Up!)

1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-ingway, the famous author of cocktails!
2. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? – Rum-believable! You’re still standing after last night?
3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum and Coke just called, they want to know if you’re coming out tonight!
4. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-ores are flying that you make a mean Piña Colada!
5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-thing tells me you deserve a delicious drink!
6. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-ty-tum-tum…must be cocktail hour!
7. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-ember that time we drank all the rum…good times!
8. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-inations on a beach is all I think about!
9. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-maging through the cupboards, I found more rum! Let’s celebrate!
10. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-ba time! Let’s dance the night away with a little liquid courage.
11. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-our has it you like your jokes neat, just like your rum!
12. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-a-doodle-doo! Sorry, I think the rum is talking now!
13. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-inating on my next vacation…definitely going somewhere with rum!
14. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-derful to see you! Can I interest you in a little drink?
15. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum-believable! I almost finished the whole bottle myself! (chuckles)

Rum Pun Names: We’ve Got Punny-licious Ideas to Make You Go “Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of LOL”

1. Rummy McRumpants
2. Captain Rumbelievable
3. Sir Swigs-a-Lot Rum
4. Ol’ Groggy Bottom
5. The Ruminati
6. Rumty Dumpty
7. Privateer of Puns (Rum Division)
8. Professor Rumbellion
9. Admiral Sugarcane
10. Baron Von Bottlebottom
11. Captain Blackspot’s Stash
12. The Rum-inators
13. Pirates of the Rum-bbean
14. The Soggy Biscuit Buccaneers
15. The Drunken Parrot Tavern

Rum Away With A Chuckle!

Well, folks, there you have it! 125+ jokes about rum that are sure to make you the life of the party… or at least get a groan or two from your drinking buddies. We hope these puns have tickled your funny bone (or should we say, “rum” bone?). For more hilarious wordplay and side-splitting jokes, don’t just sit there like a cask of aging spirits! Explore the rest of our punny website. You’re in for a barrel of laughs!

About the Author: Sarah Ejaz

I, Sarah Ejaz, am the creative force behind ThePunnyWorld.com, your premier destination for chuckles and chortles. With my expertise in English Literature and extensive experience as a freelance creative writer, I craft jokes and puns that light up your day. Explore our world for your daily dose of humor, and let the good times roll! Find and read here my Best Puns.

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