150+ Football Puns & Jokes: Goal-azy Laughs! 🏈 😂

Hey there, sports fans and pun enthusiasts! 🏈😂 Get ready to tackle some laughter because we’ve got the best collection of football puns and jokes that are guaranteed to score big with your funny bone! 🥳 Whether you’re a seasoned comedian or just looking for some clever and positive humor to share with the kids, this list of hilarious wordplays will have you running back for more. Get ready for some serious chuckle touchdowns! 🎤⬇️

Top Football Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Guaranteed to Tackle Your Funny Bone

1. Why did the coach tell the team to stretch before the game? They heard their opponent was bringing their A-game.
2. What football game do cats like to watch? The Goldfish Bowl! 😹🐠
3. I tried to explain to my friend about the offside rule… But he just couldn’t get it through his thick skull.
4. Why can’t basketball players ever play football? They dribble too much! 🏀🚫🏈
5. Did you hear about the football player who was always dropping the ball? He had a real chip on his shoulder.
6. What do you get if you cross a football player and a chef? A fumble roast! 👨‍🍳🏈
7. My friend said he wanted to play football on another planet. I told him, “Give me a sign.” 👽
8. I’m not saying the football team needs new players, but… They couldn’t beat a broken clock.
9. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back! 🏦🏈
10. What football game do spiders love to watch? The Redzone Spider Bowl! 🕷️🕸️
11. Why are referees always fair? They’re always objective.
12. What kind of tea do quarterbacks drink? Penal-tea! 🍵
13. I’m starting to think my son’s tired of playing football… He keeps kicking the bucket. 😴
14. Did you hear about the football player who was a big gambler? He kept betting on the spread. 🎲
15. I’m writing a book about a football player who joins the clergy… It’s a faith-based initiative. 🙏🏈
16. Why don’t they play football in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! 🐆🚫🏈

Funny Football One-Liner Jokes: Guaranteed to Score a Laugh 🏈 😂

1. I tried out for the football team, but they said I was too intense. They told me to take a hike!
2. The football players were bummed about their coach leaving. They really threw a Hail Mary to keep him.
3. Did you hear about the football player who was also a magician? He could make defenders disappear into thin air.
4. I wanted to buy a football jersey, but they only had one left. It was the last Packer.
5. That ref is so biased; he must have a penalty flag for a heart!
6. I’m not saying the offensive line is out of shape, but they called their last play “The Slob Formation.
7. That wide receiver is like a ghost on the field. Completely transparent.
8. What’s the only room a football player should ever worry about decorating? The end zone.
9. I went to a football game and a hockey game on the same day. I guess you could say I got my fill of sports, eh?
10. Did you hear about the football player who was always fumbling? He had too many turnovers!
11. You know you’re at a bad football game when the most exciting play is the wave.
12. The coach was mad his team couldn’t score any points. He said, “What are you, a bunch of zeroes?!”
13. That football player is so tough, he eats nails for breakfast. Thankfully, he prefers his quarterbacks sacked.
14. I used to hate going to football games, but then I turned 180 degrees. Now I still hate going.
15. I’m writing a book about all the greatest football players in history. It’s a work in touchdown.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Football: Get Your Head in the Game 🏈🤣

1. Q: Why did the coach tell the team to try to score as many goals as possible? A: He was playing mind games with the other team, because he knew they only had one goal in mind!
2. Q: Why are football stadiums always so cool? A: Because of all the fans!
3. Q: What football game do cats like to watch? A: The Goldfish Bowl!
4. Q: What position do ghosts play in a football game? A: Spookerback!
5. Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday or Sunday? A: They’re both Week-ends!
6. Q: What do you call a sheep watching a football game? A: A baa-ll watcher!
7. Q: What kind of tea do football players drink? A: Penal-tea!
8. Q: What did the receiver say to the football? A: Catch you later!
9. Q: What did the receiver say to the defensive back? A: You’re covered in my dust!
10. Q: Why are referees always in shape? A: They’re always running around the field!
11. Q: Why did the coach go to the bank? A: To get his quarter back!
12. Q: What did the football say to the kicker? A: I get a kick out of you!
13. Q: What do you call a fumble-prone running back? A: A butterfingers!
14. Q: Why did the football quit the team? A: It was tired of being kicked around!
15. Q: What runs all around a football field but never moves? A: The fence!

Dad Jokes about Football: Puntastic Humor for the Whole Family

1. Why did the coach tell the team, “Get to the bank?” Because they left the game at a tie!
2. What’s the most confusing part of football? I can’t figure out how they get the players shrunk down to fit on my TV!
3. You know, football really is a mental game… That’s why I chose to be a fan!
4. Why do field goal kickers always bring their own string to the game? To tie the game!
5. My wife told me to take the spiderwebs down from the ceiling before the game. I told her I’m saving them for the World Wide Web series!
6. What did the receiver say to the football? Catch you later!
7. I told my son, “You can be anything you want to be when you grow up.” He said, “I want to be a referee.” I said, “Well, you can’t be everything.” (Ba-dum-tss!)
8. Do you know why quarterbacks are such good mathematicians? They know how to throw a perfect spiral and calculate yards gained!
9. I saw a sign outside the stadium that said, “This Door is for Players Only.” So I held it open for two hours, but nobody came!
10. I told my wife the football game was on channel 998. She said, “We don’t have that many channels!” I told her, “We do with this new antenna I installed.”
11. Why do football players make terrible dancers? They spend too much time on the line!
12. What’s the only thing worse than losing the Super Bowl? Watching it with someone who’s constantly reminding you that you’re losing!
13. I used to hate it when the other team scored. Then I realized, hey, they’re putting points on the board for me to keep track of!
14. Did you hear about the football player who was also a magician? He could turn the football into a first down with a wave of his hand! They called it an “illegal use of hands.”
15. What did the receiver say to the defensive back covering him? “Get off my case!”
16. Why can’t Monday Night Football ever get a reservation at a fancy restaurant? Because they’re always booked on Sundays!
17. What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for the big game? “Bison!”

Funny Quotes About Football: Guaranteed to Tackle Your Funny Bone

1. “I never fumble. I just hand the ball to the other team in a more theatrical way.” – Deion Sanders (A classic that plays on Sanders’ flamboyant style)
2. “My wife thinks I’m too obsessed with football. She told me to take my own name off the fantasy league.” (Relatable and silly, playing on the universality of fantasy football obsession)
3. “I know what’s wrong with my throwing arm. It’s connected to my drinking arm!” – Joe Namath (Self-deprecating humor from a football legend)
4. “The only thing I’m addicted to is winning.” – Anonymous (pause) “And maybe coffee. Definitely coffee.” (Relatable humor, especially for sports fans)
5. “Football is a game of inches.” – (pause) “And sometimes, it feels like my team is playing with rulers from the dollar store.” (Playing on the frustration of watching your team lose by small margins)
6. “The best defense is a good offense. Unless you’re my fantasy team. Then it’s just depressing.” (Relatable self-deprecating humor about fantasy football struggles)
7. “I’m not saying I’m a bad loser, but I once threw a remote control through a wall because my fantasy team lost by half a point.” (Exaggerated self-deprecation that lands squarely in humorous territory)
8. “Why do they call it the Super Bowl? It’s just a regular bowl that’s really expensive to attend.” (Playing on the over-the-top nature of the Super Bowl)
9. “I love the smell of freshly cut grass in the morning. It smells like… victory. Or at least like someone else is mowing the lawn today.” (Combining football passion with relatable everyday humor)
10. “The only thing more unpredictable than the weather is a Hail Mary pass. And my fantasy team’s kicker.” (Another relatable jab at the uncertainty of fantasy football)
11. “I don’t always watch football, but when I do, I prefer to watch it with someone who brings snacks.” (pause) “And by snacks, I mean a seven-layer dip.” (A play on the “Most Interesting Man in the World” meme with a humorous foodie twist)
12. “They say football is a game of strategy. My strategy is to yell at the TV until something good happens.” (Humorous take on the helplessness of being a spectator)
13. “Football is the only time it’s socially acceptable to wear another person’s name on your back.” (pause) “Unless you’re at a costume party. Or you owe someone money.” (A witty observation with absurd extensions for comedic effect)

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Football: Guaranteed to Tackle Your Funny Bone

1. The best offense is a good defense, unless you’re behind by 2 touchdowns with 30 seconds left. Then, just throw a Hail Mary.
2. A fumble recovered is a turnover cherished, except when it bounces right back to the other team.
3. He who hesitates is lost… probably because he’s trying to decide between running and throwing an interception.
4. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch… unless you’re counting down the seconds on a game-winning drive.
5. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him catch a football in the endzone… unless his name is Gronk.
6. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but neither was the Dallas Cowboys’ offensive line, and look how that turned out.
7. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and… able to get good seats for the tailgate party.
8. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I bet you $50 on the next play and… shame on me again.
9. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless you need a first down, then go for the Hail Mary.
10. Slow and steady wins the race, unless the race is for a loose ball and that linebacker is gaining on you.
11. Don’t cry over spilled milk, unless that milk is being poured on the coach after a Super Bowl victory.
12. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, unless it’s being thrown by Patrick Mahomes.
13. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, except when it comes to celebrating a touchdown, then go all out!
14. You can’t judge a book by its cover, or a rookie quarterback by his preseason performance.
15. Practice makes perfect, but game day is when you find out you’ve been practicing the wrong plays.
16. A penny saved is a penny earned, unless it’s the last penny you have and you just bet it all on your team to cover the spread.

Football Double Entendres Puns: Get Ready to Groan on the Goal Line!

1. “I’m not sure I understand offside rules,” she said. “Don’t worry,” he replied, “It’s rarely in hand.” 🏈 😏
2. He knew she was the one when she whispered, “I love it when you go deep.” 🏈🥰
3. The coach told the rookie, “Listen, if you wanna score, you gotta get your head in the game.” 🏈 😏
4. He tried to impress his date by saying, “I’m known for my tight ends.” She wasn’t impressed. 🏈 😬
5. Their first date was awkward: They spent the whole time trying to avoid a fumble. 🏈 😳
6. She knew he was a keeper when he whispered, “I’ve always wanted to touch your goalpost.” 🏈 😏
7. He said he loved her more than football, but she saw right through that blitz. 🏈 🤥
8. “You’re out of bounds!” she shouted. He couldn’t help but laugh, “But baby, you make me want to draw a penalty.” 🏈 😉
9. “I’m looking for someone who can handle my stiff arm,” she declared on her dating profile. 🏈 💪
10. He tried to explain his feelings, “You’re like the Super Bowl to my heart.” She just rolled her eyes, “Don’t punt me your cheesy lines.” 🏈 😂
11. They were perfect together, a match made in the end zone. 🏈❤️
12. He was penalized for holding. Apparently, holding her hand at the movies was frowned upon. 🏈 🤦‍♂️
13. “I’m not saying you’re fat,” he began, “But you could definitely block for a living.” 🏈 🤦‍♂️ (Maybe don’t use this one…)
14. “Baby, you make me want to fumble,” he confessed, his voice filled with emotion. She replied, “Just make sure you recover.” 🏈 😉
15. He knew their love was real, it was a first down kind of feeling. 🏈 🥰

Recursive Puns about Football: Get Ready to Punt-der Your Funny Bone

1. What’s a quarterback’s favorite drink? Pass-the-tea… because they love making plays! 🏈
2. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back…up to full strength! 💪
3. What did the receiver say to the football? “Catch you later…ally, I need you to run a post route!” 🏃‍♂️💨
4. Why was the football stadium always cold? Because of all the fans…blowing! 🌬️
5. What’s a ghost’s favorite position in football? Spookerback…because they’re always haunting the backfield! 👻
6. Why did the football quit playing? It was tired of being kicked around…the field! 😓
7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything… including the football field! 🧪
8. Why was the coach always getting lost? He kept taking the wrong turn…over! ↩️
9. What runs all around the football field but never moves? The fence… just like the opposing team’s offense! 🚧
10. What position do ghosts play in football? Ghoul-keeper… because they’re great at scaring away the other team! 👻
11. What kind of tea do football players drink? Penal-tea… because they always seem to get penalized for drinking it! ☕
12. Why did the football go to the doctor? It had a touch…down with the flu! 🤒
13. What’s a quarterback’s favorite movie genre? Spy thrillers… because they love going deep undercover! 🕵️‍♂️
14. Why did the coach tell the team to break? Because he wanted them to break… the huddle and get ready for the next play! 🗣️
15. Why are football players good at poker? They know how to bluff… their way to a first down! 🃏

Football Tom Swifties – Jokes and Puns: Guaranteed to Make You Punt-der Laughter!

1. “That was a backward pass!” Tom said reversi-bly.
2. “We need to gain ten yards on this play!” Tom exclaimed lengthily.
3. “I think I’ll kick a field goal,” Tom said upright.
4. “We finally scored a touchdown!” Tom shouted ecstatically.
5. “The opposing team’s quarterback is down!” Tom declared sackily.
6. “I can’t believe I dropped the ball!” Tom said fumblingly.
7. “That receiver is really hard to tackle,” Tom said elusively.
8. “That was a really hard hit,” Tom groaned impactfully.
9. “The coach is really laying down the law,” Tom muttered benchedly.
10. “I’m open, I’m open!” Tom whispered covertly.
11. “Those penalty flags are flying today,” Tom remarked flagrantly.
12. “We need to intercept the ball!” Tom intercepted pointedly.
13. “That’s the third fumble this quarter!” Tom said turnover-ly.
14. “I’m going to run the ball all the way!” Tom said rushedly.
15. “Did you see that amazing catch?” Tom exclaimed awestruckly.
16. “We won the Super Bowl!” Tom cheered victoriously.
17. “I think I need some orange slices and Gatorade,” Tom said half-timely.

Football Spoonerisms: Get Ready to Fumble Over Some Funny Fumbles

1. “He’s got a really wide kicker!” (He’s got a really wide kicker)
2. “The fans are going wild, they’re wunning the fags!” (The fans are going wild, they’re waving the flags!)
3. “What a shot! That’s definitely hit the Woss Bar!” (What a shot! That’s definitely hit the crossbar!)
4. “The coach is furious, he’s giving them the dryer hair!” (The coach is furious, he’s giving them the hairdryer!)
5. “He’s pucked the ball right into the bet!” (He’s kicked the ball right into the net!)
6. “This match is tense, it’s nil-bil all!” (This match is tense, it’s nil-nil all!)
7. “The pressure’s on, it’s the tie-breaker pinalty!” (The pressure’s on, it’s the tie-breaker penalty!)
8. “He’s got the ball and he’s heading straight for the toal gits!” (He’s got the ball and he’s heading straight for the goal hits!)
9. “He’s really got a boot on him, he’s shooted the light!” (He’s really got a boot on him, he’s shot the light!)
10. “What a save! That was a real goal-flogger!” (What a save! That was a real goal-scorer!)
11. “The crowd is roaring, they’re chanting “Yome team, come team!”” (The crowd is roaring, they’re chanting “Home team, come on!”)
12. “He’s got to shoot, he’s got to shoot… he’s possed a sitter!” (He’s got to shoot, he’s got to shoot… he’s missed a sitter!)
13. “The players are lined up for the kick-koff whistle!” (The players are lined up for the kick-off whistle!)
14. “He’s booked for diving, that’s a yallow fard!” (He’s booked for diving, that’s a yellow card!)
15. “They’re celebrating like they’ve bun the Cup!” (They’re celebrating like they’ve won the Cup!)
16. “It’s a pitiful display, they’re playing like a bunch of dronkeys!” (It’s a pitiful display, they’re playing like a bunch of donkeys!)
17. “Well that’s it, the match is bover and out!” (Well that’s it, the match is over and out!)

Goal! These Puns Scored Big Laughs! 🏈😂

We hope these football puns and jokes didn’t leave you sidelined! If you’re still hungry for more knee-slapping humor, don’t throw a flag – just head over to our website for a whole new playbook of puns and jokes. We promise, it’s a total catch! 🏈🤣

About the Author: Sarah Ejaz

I, Sarah Ejaz, am the creative force behind ThePunnyWorld.com, your premier destination for chuckles and chortles. With my expertise in English Literature and extensive experience as a freelance creative writer, I craft jokes and puns that light up your day. Explore our world for your daily dose of humor, and let the good times roll! Find and read here my Best Puns.

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